


» J. Murphy |Dating a trans guy|

by fxlminare



Series: THE 100 COLLECTION [7]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Dating Murphy, Fluff, Headcanon, M/M, TW: body and mental dysphoria, TW: mentions of transphobia, Trans Male Character, tw: language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:01:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24892051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fxlminare/pseuds/fxlminare
Summary: request: "what it'd be like to be a Trans Guy who is dating John Murphy?"
Relationships: John Murphy (The 100)/Reader
Series: THE 100 COLLECTION [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2111010
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	» J. Murphy |Dating a trans guy|

╼ You met Murphy in Earth Skills and, let's not lie, the best part of those lessons was seeing him and not being able to hold back your laughter whenever he made a snarky remark. That's just life: you hear something funny, you laugh.

╼ It wasn't difficult to become friends; I mean, daily classes together, being stuck in lockup, meals with the same people every time... that situation forces people to come together and Murphy and you had just... clicked.

╼ _"So, Y/L/N, wanna tell me what you think about today being our last class together?"_

╼ Murphy had been sitting beside you once you became better friends after a couple of weeks; you had thought it weird but you were not going to complain.

╼ _"I'd say it's too bad." "How so?" "Well, how else am I going to see you..." "So that's it, huh? You'll miss my face." "You cut me halfway through my sentence."_

╼ You had screamed when Pike first punched him; you wanted to help but Pike was so... big. You had pulled Murphy away from him as soon as two other kids decided to react too.

╼ _"Hey, look at me."_ You planted your hands on his face. _"Oh god." "It looks worse than it feels." "That doesn't make me feel better." "Thank you." "I haven't done anything." "You are here with me, you sided with me." "With whom else was I going to side, John?"_

╼ Oh, how did Murphy's heart flutter when you called him by his name. Everyone called him Murphy, he was used to it but, for some reason, he suddenly liked his name a little more.

╼ You went to the infirmary with him. You were worried, fear had settled deep in your bones when Pike rose his hand to Murphy.

╼ He had been okay, of course, meeting him again for dinner that night, hearing the other delinquents murmuring about what Pike had done to the rest of the kids that didn't attend that morning class.

╼ _"It's just a couple stitches, "Y/L/N, I'll be fine." "He shouldn't have done that, he..."_

╼ His hand on yours cut you off completely, taking you also with your guard down, your name fell from his lips but, oh, deep down you wished it hadn't. Not that name, at least. Your deadname. You squeezed his hand and you both ate in silence but he didn't move his hand from yours. Your heart was doing funny things that you didn't need at that moment nor wanted to delve into.

╼ And then, Earth; that had been fun, being thrown into the ship without knowing what was happening. At least Murphy was there too, the other friends you had made too.

╼ _"Okay, what the hell?"_

╼ Jaha called you 'expendable'. You couldn't think of a time you had been angrier in your life; you had been called a lot of things but 'expendable'? That was a first.

╼ Murphy and you only grew closer, doing shifts together, hunting as a team... life was good.

╼ If anyone so much as dared raise their voice at you, Murphy would be there in 0.1 seconds.

╼ _"She's my friend so back off."_

╼ You feel at ease with Murphy, like he understands even if you haven't come out to him. The more time you spend together, the more you realize he is someone you want in your life, someone you trust and... someone that you want to get to know you. Completely.

╼ So, after much thought on your part, you decide you wanna do it for sure.

╼ _"Hey, John, can we talk?"_

╼ He nodded and you were so nervous you missed the worried look in his eyes. He had been wanting to talk to you too for a while but for a much different reason; he too had realized he wanted you in his life, he wanted you to know him fully, he... loved you. He wanted to ask you out but wasn't really sure how.

╼ That had been a weird realization for him; him? in love? with someone that _might_ reciprocate those feelings? That sounded made up to him.

╼ Of course, you did, but that was the least of your worries right now. Yeah, Murphy was a great guy and you knew he would accept you and be around you just the same but there is always that little voice in your head that goes: _yeah, but what if..._

╼ It took you a couple of minutes to speak, minutes of pure torture for Murphy for he was already thinking the worst: that you were cutting him off your life.

╼ _"Okay, so, I have something to tell you and, while it could be considered a big thing, I don't want you to make a big thing about it." "That makes no sense, Y/D/N."_

╼ You gulped as you hear that name. You were ready.

╼ He had easily caught up with how you reacted when you hear your deadname so he had never used it much even if he didn't know exactly why you disliked it so much; sometimes it slipped off his tongue like it just had and he cursed himself in his head.

╼ You couldn't really remember everything you said or what exactly you said or how long you were going at it but you did remember the look in Murphy's eyes: nothing but love. And that made you want to cry.

╼ _"Hey, no, why are you crying?"_ He wrapped his arms around you. _"Was it something I said? Something I didn't say? Did I do something wrong?"_

╼ You cried a bit more in his arms, feeling like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders.

╼ _"So..."_ He pulled your chin up, you could tell he had questions, the first one surely would be your name, you could tell he wanted to say it but, well, you hadn't told him yet.

╼ _"Y/N."_ You smiled. _"I'm Y/N."_

╼ _"You had me so worried, Y/N."_

╼ Now that made you feel like your heart could implode; your name coming out of his lips so gently, so softly, so caring... were you reading too much into it?

╼ _"Worried, why?" "I thought you were going to kick me out of your life." "Why in hell would I do that?" "You've been acting... different lately but I guess you were trying to think of how to tell me?" "I was." "You were worried I wouldn't... accept you?" "That's a worry I'll always have."_

╼ Murphy hated that you felt like that, like he wouldn't be anything but your rock since you met, but he understood your worries. He wanted to say something that'd make you feel better, something that could show you that he would never dare leave your side, but he couldn't think of anything.

╼ Well, there was that tiny minor detail of him having fallen for you but he didn't know if this was the time to tell you.

╼ _"You okay?"_ You wondered as he had been quiet for a while, zoned out. _"John?"_

╼ He gulped as he focused his eyes back on you.

╼ _"I had been wanting to talk to you too." "Okay." "But I don't know if this is the best time to bring it up, you know?" "Because I just came out?" "Because I don't want you to think that what I want to say is just because you've just come out to me and I'm trying to make you feel better about it or something."_

╼ You furrowed your eyebrows. Was he the one going to cut you off his life?

╼ _"Can I at least know if it's something bad?" "It's not something I had expected to happen to me."_

╼ You nodded, wondering what he could be talking about. You understood what he meant when he said he didn't want to take this moment from you but you really wanted to know.

╼ _"I want you to tell me."_

╼ He gave you a worried look that you were sure you could match; you were worried for a bunch of different things.

╼ _"John, whatever it is, I'm not going to leave your side, okay? You've accepted me completely and I will always do the same with you. You're family."_

╼ You were being serious, you had fallen for him at a steady pace since you met and nothing would make you feel different about him. _What if he's in love with someone else?_ You tried to shake that thought off your head.

╼ _"Do you promise?" "Not to leave you? Of course." "Okay."_

╼ He took a deep breath, taking your hand in his and gluing his eyes to yours. He had practiced way too many speeches, many more than he cared to admit, cause he wanted to make sure he was making sense but it all seemed so unimportant right now as he stood in front of you, his eyes lowering to your lips before he cleared his throat. You squeezed his hand, getting ready for your own heartbreak.

╼ _"Okay, mmm, Y/N, I've realized something lately." "Okay." "And it has something to do with you." "Okay?" "I'm doing a terrible job." "You are confusing me, yes."_ You chuckled. _"Okay, let me try again."_

╼ You had taken his other hand in yours, prompting him to tell you about it; there was no one you trusted more than Murphy and you hoped he felt the same way about you, at least in that aspect.

╼ _"I've caught feelings for someone."_

╼ You furrowed your eyebrows as he eyed you.

╼ _"What does that have to do with me, John?"_

╼ He tried not to laugh at how clueless you were, adoring the confused look in your eyes before he pulled you closer to him, making you place your hands on his shoulders as he planted his on your hips.

╼ _"Come on, Y/N, you're smarter than I am, I'm sure you can figure it out."_

╼ Oh, you had thought about it and you had an idea of what he meant but you still were uncertain about it and didn't want to make a fool of yourself. Could he... love you?

╼ _"Do you want me to help you get with them?"_

╼ That had taken him by surprise, shaking his head and taking a step back as he smiled.

╼ _"Are you playing with me? You want me to say it out loud?" "That'd be really helpful, yes."_

╼ He moved back to you, looking deep into your eyes, a bit more at ease as he saw your smile; he knew you knew which was why he allowed himself to lean closer to you.

╼ _"I love you, Y/N. I've caught feelings for you. I want you to be with me; I want you to be my... my boyfriend."_

╼ You had bit your lip at the confession, feeling like you could cry, feeling at home as you pulled him closer to you, your lips finally meeting as he wrapped his arms around you.

╼ Too many emotions in one day, folks. Your heart? About to jump from your chest and disappear deep in the forest. But you wouldn't change any of it.

╼ It had been a journey, eventually asking everyone else to address you as Y/N and use your correct pronouns; it wasn't that hard, it was okay. But, most importantly, you _felt_ alright.

╼ You told Murphy about your struggles, your dysphoria: both physical and emotional. He really wanted to learn, to make sure he understood and you appreciated all of it.

╼ _"Is it so bad every day?" "I mean, some days are worse than others; like... somedays I cannot recognize myself and others I'm comfortable in my skin. Today is an ok day."_

╼ He had nodded, allowing you to keep explaining how dysphoria affected you and how you saw yourself; you also told him about the constant battle in your head but that was harder to explain.

╼ _"What can I do to help?"_

╼ That was everything for you. Even if sometimes he couldn't do much, just knowing he was there with you and he accepted every single little part about you made things just a tad easier. Granted, nothing was 100% okay just because he loved you, but things were getting better.

╼ On your worst days, he'd drop everything and curse Bellamy a hundred times if he had to just to get him to leave you both alone. He'd try to help you as much as he could, suggesting activities to distract you a bit from your pain but he had also quickly caught up with your body language, knowing by heart now your boundaries and respecting them but always been there when you needed him.

╼ _"I wanna do something." "I'm all ears."_

╼ You had been wanting to cut your hair for a really long time now but... well, you hadn't really been able to. You felt like it'd be the perfect thing to do to feel a bit more like yourself, so you told Murphy about it, you told him you needed his help. You weren't sure how he'd react but, this is John we are talking about, as soon as you mentioned it, he was running to the Med-tent to steal some scissors.

╼ _"John!"_ You laughed as soon as he walked back in. _"What? You didn't expect me to use a knife, right? I'm not barbaric."_

╼ He sits at the edge of your bed, pulling you to sit down in between his legs with your back to his.

╼ _"Okay, how short?" "Maybe just a bit shorter than yours." "Okay, I can do that, can't be that hard." "I am trusting you." "And that makes me happy."_

╼ You closed your eyes, soon hearing the first click of the scissors, excitement running through your veins, a smile on your lips as you felt a bit more liberated the more clicks you heard.

╼ At some point, you had to stand up and be the one sitting on the bed with your back to Murphy who now stood on the floor, cutting a bit more every time until he asked you to turn around. You looked up at him, seeing the concentration in his eyes, trying not to laugh but his eyes soon landing on yours so he smirked back at you.

╼ _"I'm great, just give me one more second."_

╼ You nod, closing your eyes again and feeling him run his fingers through your hair, feeling his face closer to yours as you assumed he's attempting to make your hair even. Truth is, the haircut is not as important right now as the fact that he's going through this with you. You fall a bit more for him.

╼ Suddenly, his lips are on yours, kissing him back feels so right, allowing him to pull you up before you break apart.

╼ _"Okay, wanna see?"_

╼ You nod as he hands you a mirror, taking a deep breath before raising it to see what he's done. Half of you feels like crying once you see it but Murphy won't let you cry, seeing him on the mirror smiling at you from behind.

╼ You put the mirror down and turn around, seeing the pleased look in his eyes at your reaction; you're ready to thank him a hundred times but he knows you so, instead, he crashes his lips with yours, pulling you to him by your belt.

╼ _"Maybe I should have cut your hair worse, I can't believe you're going to be the better-looking one in this relationship."_

╼ Being down on Earth is great, no adults, no stupid rules, being who you want to be, meeting John; maybe dreams do come true after all.

╼ Sadly, you do encounter some transphobic assholes around; it's sad that you expected it but that will not keep you from being who you want to be, who you really are.

╼ At first, it was kinda quiet, murmurs here and there but, one day, one of the kids decided to say it to your face; how brave of them, using your deadname, your wrong pronouns, calling you a little girl... you were so ready to tell them off but you didn't really get a chance that time.

╼ The kid was standing in front of you one second and the next he was on the floor with a bloody nose.

╼ _"What the hell did you just call him? What did you just call my boyfriend?!"_

╼ Murphy would not waste a second to call them out with words like you initially intended to do; no, he will get into a fight the second anyone tries to say anything disgusting, transphobic, or just plain rude to you. Murphy gives zero fucks and cares close to nothing about repercussions; his tolerance for bullshit is lower than hell.

╼ _"Hey, John..._ " You managed to pull him away from the other kid. _"it's..." "Don't even attempt to say 'okay' because it's not." "I was going to say that it isn't worth it; he's not worth it."_

╼ He'd focus his eyes on you. He knows he'd do anything for you and, if you say a fight isn't worth it, then he will stop. For now. He nods and allows you to take his hands on yours.

╼ _"Come on, let's check those knuckles."_

╼ You took him to Clarke, worried he'd have hurt something because the way he punched the kid... you aren't sure how he didn't break his skull.

╼ _"What happened?!"_ Clarke looked horrified, quickly grabbing her medkit and making Murphy sit down. _"You should see the other guy."_ _"Y/N?""You will see them soon."_

╼ You loved Murphy and seeing how he was willing to hurt himself to protect you made you love him even more. But you wouldn't let him get in more fights for you; you truly meant it when you said it wasn't worth it. The assholes weren't worth him getting hurt.

╼ Going back to your guys' tent after that.

╼ _"I love you, Y/N, you know that right?"_

╼ You'd turn around and look at him as he sat on your bed, looking up at you with nothing but love in his eyes.

╼ _"I do, but that doesn't mean you have to get into a fight for me." "I'd fight anyone for you, do anything for you." "Okay, can you start by not hurting yourself and wasting your time on those assholes?" "But..." "They're not going to change and they want a reaction; that's all they want."_

╼ He knows you're probably right but that doesn't mean he likes it. He finally nods and takes your hand in his as you had moved towards him, allowing him to pull you down on the bed with him. He promises not to give them the time of the day but he doesn't say anything about not breaking their noses if he catches them being jerks again.

╼ _"I love you, John."_

╼ He'd make you move your face to the side, rubbing your cheek and moving his mouth closer to yours to kiss you, his heart beating faster as he feels your smile before you kiss him back.

╼ Maybe Earth sucks and the people in the camp do too but he knows he'd do it all over again just to end up down there with you in bed in each others' arms.

**Author's Note:**

> **Happy (late) pride months, folks!**
> 
> Hope you enjoyed today's piece, you know what to do: remember to vote and leave me your thoughts on the comment section; catch you guys there! 


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